Energy Bars and Gender Politics (a.k.a. Luna Bars are Tasty)

Robby Roadsteamer is a comedian and musician from Boston. While playing "The Legend of Zelda" with his friend Aaron, Robby presents a snack to Aaron stating, "You've got your choice of Luna Bars...Chocolate Pecan Pie or Chai tea." Aaron, insulted, venomously responds, "What the fuck are you giving me these fucking bitch bars for?"

While I don't endorse Aaron's misogynistic fury, I have also bought into the marketing move that says Luna Bars are only for women.  The Luna website states, "Created by and for women, LUNA bars were the first bar just for us, with the vitamins and minerals our bodies need to stay healthy. Wholesome nourishment and delicious indulgence, they are all-natural, 70% organic and just plain yummy!" For some reason, I took this to mean that men should not eat Luna Bars. Why? Well, that's basically what Luna tells you. 

Then, the other day, Erin convinced me to try some of her "Nutz Over Chocolate" Luna Bar. Verdict? Delicious. This made me start wondering, why can't I eat Luna Bars? Will I develop breasts? Will my voice move up an octave? What was I afraid of?

I read the nutritional information of a Luna Bar and compared it to a Clif Bar. The Luna Bar has more saturated fat and slightly fewer vitamins and minerals, but, surprisingly, estrogen was not on the list. So, now I eat them. Not only is it liberating, it also opens up many new vegan options for energy bars. Eat up, dudes.

Ghost Chili

Remember the bully in elementary school? Remember when a new kid showed up at school and kicked his ass? Such is the relationship between the former heavyweight champion, the habanero pepper and the ghost chili. Weighing in at a meager 100,000–350,000 units on the Scoville scale, the habanero was long thought to be the world's hottest pepper. The Red Savina habanero, a human bred strain, held the Guiness Book of World Records title for hottest pepper for over a decade. At 350,000-580,000 Scoville units, the Red Savina is one hot pepper. But then, in 2007, the ghost chili knocked it off it's pedestal. The ghost chili (whose real name is Bhut Jolokia) comes from the Assam region of India and ranks at 850,000 - 1,050,000 Scoville units. The only things hotter are pure capsaicin, straight synthetic capsaicin, and police grade pepper spray.

I found this bottle of ghost chili powder at the Santa Cruz Chili and Spice Company in Tumacacori, AZ. I've been a lover of the habanero for years, so I thought "Why not try the next step up?" Let me tell you, this stuff is hot. When my brother tried a bit, he said, "It doesn't taste like anything, it just feels like pain." You only need a tiny, tiny amount to make anything really fiery. I will say, it certainly has a place in my kitchen. A mere 8th teaspoon is enough to make an entire batch of tofu scramble super hot and I've found that, in small doses, it also adds a bit of smokiness. I can't wait to make red bean chili. Oh boy...

Vegan Backpacking

Backpacking requires a lot of fuel. If you think it would be hard for a vegan to sustain long treks, think again. Vegan backpacking (like veganism in general) is much easier than you would think. Here's what I'm packing for a 28 mile, three day hike with 6618 feet of accumulated gain.

Day 1
Breakfast at home - Tofu Scramble, orange juice, toast with Vegemite.
In the pack - Trail mix. (chocolate chips, almonds, peanuts, pumpkins seeds, cranberries, sunflower seeds, raisins).
Clif Bar x3 - Black Cherry Almond, Chocolate Almond Fudge, Cranberry Orange Nut Bread
Sqwincher Fast Pack x2 (My father-in-law sends these to me and they're great).
Sandwich  - Tofurky, lettuce, tomato, Vegemite (I love Vegemite)
Chocolate Chip Cookie (made by Erin)
Primal Strip  - Soy protein version, Hickory smoke flavor
Backpacker Pantry Chana Masala (because Summit Hut in Tucson doesn't carry Mary Jane's Outpost and I don't want to drive to R.E.I. in Tempe. Mary Jane's Outpost makes hands-down the best vegan backpacking food.)
Decaf tea

Day 2
instant oatmeal
yerba mate
Clif Bar x3- Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch,  Cool Mint Chocolate, Maple Nut
Sqwinchers x2
trail mix (see day 1)
second portion of chana masala
Primal Strip
Backpacker's Pantry Pad Thai
chocolate chip cookie

Day 3
instant oatmeal
yerba mate
Clif Bar x2  - Oatmeal Raisin Walnut, Chocolate Brownie
Sqwinchers x2
trail mix (see day 1)
second portion of pad thai
Primal Strip

When I get home - Dinner of some sort with an Ayinger Celebrator Doppelbock.

I eat 2500+ calories a day, over 100% of my protein and nutrients. One comment some people might make is that I rely pretty heavily on Clif Bars. This isn't a symptom of vegan necessity - I just really like them and they're a lot of food in a little space. I will say that vegan option for dehydrating backpacking meals are limited. Mountain House, to my knowledge, doesn't make any. However, Backpacker Pantry has several options. Mary Jane's Outpost is really the best backpacking food there is, though, and they have several vegan options. If it were cheaper, I would eat their Lentils, Rice and Indian Spice at home.

Vegans get asked "where do you get your protein" so often that it's become sort of a joke, but for people who eat animals and haven't researched a vegan diet, it's a perfectly logical thing to ask. Rather than go into that here, I'll refer interested readers to these two guys -

Brandon Brazier is a vegan triathlete and writer.
Robert Cheeke is a vegan bodybuilder.

One final word here - Making Owls Cool isn't a place to promote a vegan agenda. I just thought folks might be interested in what a vegan eats on a backpacking trip.

Defensive Ominovore Bingo

My friend Jen sent this my way and I thought it was really funny. I don't mean any offense, but this is a pretty accurate representation of the things we vegans hear all the time.